this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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