His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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