Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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