When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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