Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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