2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Randomize
