yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Who died my cat blue again?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
