the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
