My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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