yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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