What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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