I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
