Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
