i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
