He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
