he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
