Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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