i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
