I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
