so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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