WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
