Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
