im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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