We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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