tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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