I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
