True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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