I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
