I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
