Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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