We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
