you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
