He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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