Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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