non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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