just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
