Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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