Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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