i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How drunk are you?
Completed.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
