After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
