so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
