i already hear my dad disowning me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
