So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
