Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
