i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
