i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
