i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
