Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
