4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
