I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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