Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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