I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize