is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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