Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
