Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
