just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
