i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
