the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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