Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
