so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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