Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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