you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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