Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
