would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
