we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
