im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
